Poligags :: America's Fix Tank


Category: Humor

“The” Prescription for Voter Apathy

Having recently read Alternet’s “Noam Chomsky: Why Americans Know So Much About Sports But So Little About World Affairs” we believe we have arrived at the prescription for voter apathy:

  • call elections “All-star” or, in the case of general elections, “Championship” games
  • refer to the parties as “leagues”
  • call the candidates “players”
  • provide box scores instead of polls
  • make collectible trading cards with stats/standings substituting for position statements

Boom! Done!

 © 2014 Poligags

Rand Paul’s Next Speech

Play “Kukudoku”

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With gratitude and credit to Stephen Colbert / The Colbert Report for “Ham Rove”


An Interview with Abbie Hoffman

Yes. We know. Abbie Hoffman died in 1989.

But we actually met him. We talked to him – in person and on the phone. We even attended a party he threw in Pacific Palisades. And, although he called our work “scatological,” he invited us to submit a graphic for use in his then up-coming book Steal This Urine Test.

We miss the guy (except at meal times – he was a bit of a messy eater) and thought it would be fun to imagine what it would be like to talk to him now about recent events and the political climate. So we pulled together some of the better-known quotes attributed to him (in blue text), and this is what we came up with.


Poligags: The 2012 election cycle was the most acrimonious in our memory. What’s your take?

Abbie: You’ve got to resist oppression as you feel it. Don’t vote in a jackass – elephant – cracker circus. Let’s vote for ourselves. Everyone becomes a life actor of the street doing his thing, making the revolution by freeing himself and fucking up the system.

Poligags: What did you think of the Republican candidate, Mitt Romney, specifically?

Abbie: I used to sayavoid all needle drugs; the only dope worth shooting is Richard Nixon.Add Romney to the list! I mean, if this guy is God, then this is the God that the United States of America deserves. Look at his big accomplishment, Bain Capital. People had no alternative than to make war on machines. And, in particular, the sterile machines of corporate death and the robots that guard them.

Poligags: Since the election, the Republicans have realized that their “messaging” was not well-received by certain demographics.

Abbie (big laugh): Never impose your language on people you wish to reach.

Poligags: And, leading up to the election, the Occupy movement was very active. You must’ve found it gratifying to see people so engaged.

Abbie: Yeah. What young people have that’s vitally needed to make social change is impatience. You want it to happen now. There have to be enough people that say, “We want it now, in our lifetime.” We want to see banksters in jail right now. We want to see marriage equality right now. We want to see the war in Afghanistan stop right now. We want the CIA off our campus right now. We want an end to sexual harassment in our communities right now. Be adventurists in the sense of being bold and daring. Be opportunists and seize this opportunity, this moment in history, to go out and save our country. It’s your turn now.

Poligags: Were you surprised by – or would you have expected – the level of push-back the protesters got from the authorities?

Abbie: You measure a democracy by the freedom it gives its dissidents, not the freedom it gives its assimilated conformists. When decorum is repression, the only dignity free men have is to speak out. Expedience, not justice, is the rule of contemporary American law. Same old story, different decade!

Poligags: Even since the election, there’s been a lot of dissatisfaction with the direction the country is taking. Do you have any advice?

Abbie: The key to organizing an alternative society is to organize people around what they can do, and more importantly, what they want to do. The only way to support a revolution is to make your own.

Revolution is not something fixed in ideology, nor is it something fashioned to a particular decade. It is a perpetual process embedded in the human spirit. And you’ve got to be truly committed. Smoking dope and hanging up Che’s picture is no more a commitment than drinking milk and collecting postage stamps. 

The first duty of a revolutionary is to get away with it. Understand that legal and illegal are political, and often arbitrary, categorizations. Structure is more important than content in the transmission of information. A modern revolutionary…heads for the television station. Or Twitter…

Look: the ‘60s are gone, dope will never be as cheap, sex never as free, and the rock ‘n’ roll never as great. But there is absolutely no greater high than challenging the power structure as a ‘nobody’, giving it your all and winning! Just remember that it’s embarrassing when you try to overthrow the government and you wind up on the Best Seller’s List. 

© 2013 Poligags


Greed is good for capitalism.  Taxing greed is good for democracy.

Republicans won’t be happy until the Supreme Court is as fair and balanced as Fox News.

How is it that the same people who say that Big Government can’t do anything right think that Big Business can’t do anything wrong?

Obama saved General Motors.  A real socialist would have saved Detroit.

Did God create evolution or did creationism just evolve?

Why does every driver behind me seem to be fleeing a nuclear bomb, yet every driver in front of me can’t seem to find the gas pedal?

Every time capitalism gets in trouble, socialism has to bail it out.

A balanced budget is easy.  Just enact a tax on the use of the words “socialist” and “socialism”.  Heck, throw in “job creators” and “entitlements” and before you know it, we’ll have a budget surplus.

We pay for lots of studies.  How about one on how to speed up karma?

I voted for Barack Obama, and hope and change.  Now, I just hope he gets something right for a change.

© 2013 Poligags


You’ve heard the saying: the more things change, the more they stay the same. To kick off this blog, we offer some classic lines from the pundit of his day, Will Rogers:

  • The 1928 Republican Convention opened with a prayer. If the Lord can see His way clear to bless the Republican Party the way it’s been carrying on, then the rest of us ought to get it without even asking.
  • Everything is changing. People are taking their comedians seriously and the politicians as a joke.
  • You can’t say civilization don’t advance… in every war they kill you in a new way.
  • If we ever pass out as a great nation we ought to put on our tombstone, “America died from a delusion that she has moral leadership.”
  • There are three kinds of men. The one that learns by reading. The few who learn by observation. The rest of them have to pee on the electric fence for themselves.
  • Anything important is never left to the vote of the people. We only get to vote on some man; we never get to vote on what he is to do.
  • I have a scheme for stopping war. It’s this – no nation is allowed to enter a war till they have paid for the last one.
  • There ought to be one day – just one – when there is open season on senators.  (Note: If Rogers were alive today, there is no doubt he would have added representatives.)
  • Live in such a way that you would not be ashamed to sell your parrot to the town gossip.
  • Our country has got so that each one of us has to live by a “racket” of some kind, and none of us must be too critical of the other fellow’s racket.

© 2013 Poligags